alternative hippopotamus

progressive cyberdadaism from our nation’s capital

January 10, 2009

And, Then a Thrill Went Up His Leg

by AltHippo @ 12:56 pm. Filed under Uncategorized, Life in D.C.

LA Times. (As far as I can tell this is not a spoof article):

“I have the same feeling that I think many Americans have, that it’s really remarkable that — what we’re going to do here in a few days, is swear in the first African-American president of the United States. When I came to town in 1968, we’d had the Martin Luther King assassination, Bobby Kennedy assassination, riots in the cities, major, major disturbances, a lot of it racially-motivated around the country.

“And in fact, things have changed so dramatically, that we’re now about to swear in Barack Obama as president of the United States. That’s really a remarkable story and I think a record of tremendous success and progress for the United States.”

Apparently, momentarily taken aback by the vice president’s positive tone on his party losing the White House, Blitzer mumbles, “Pretty historic. Pretty exciting.”

And Cheney agrees! “It is,” he says.

Now, many of us are not sure whether Cheney will actually leave the VP mansion. Biden may show up in a week or so, and Cheney will say “Go f*** yourself,” and slam the door in his face. KCinDC also has a theory that Cheney has used the last few years to dig an elaborate system of tunnels under the VP mansion. Actually, that would explain why it’s pixelated out on google earth. Anyway, the idea goes, instead of leaving, Cheney will just relocate to his underground bunker.

I think Dick is just giving us heads up that he has no intention of leaving.

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3 Responses to “And, Then a Thrill Went Up His Leg”

  1. Mrs. Polly Says:
    January 13th, 2009 at 10:25 pm

    A year from now, the Bidens will notice one of the basement walls is bulging and a sticky, sweet but vinegary substance is being exuded therefrom. A worker in a Hazmat suit will begin pulling out the wall only to have Lynn Cheney’s sinewy forelimbs wrap around him. The last thing he will hear through his screams is the voice of the ex-vice president, saying, “sometimes it is necessary to go to the dark side.”

    A day later, investigators will find a compacted bundle of bones and pebbles, wrapped in a Haz-Mat suit, by an old coal chute in the Capitol building.

  2. AltHippo Says:
    January 13th, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    That is freaking hillarious.

    I really like your site, btw. When I stop being lazy I plan to get rid of all of my old links, and put up some stuff that folks should read.

  3. Mrs. Polly Says:
    January 14th, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    Thanks, AltHippo. Among the merry band of snotty little kids at Rumproast, your comments always stand out for not only being funny but humane. It’s a real grace note. I’d be honored to swap links with you.

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