alternative hippopotamus

progressive cyberdadaism from our nation’s capital

January 4, 2008

The Hacks Among Us

by AltHippo @ 1:26 pm. Filed under Uncategorized, hacks, Liberal Fascism

There are hacks and then there are hacks.

I think most of us can agree that Al “Fredo” Gonzales was a hack. It’s important to note that he was a specific kind of hack. He was a Bud Abbot “Whatevah you say boss” kind of hack. As an example take the following language from a Gonzo Department document (as documented in the WaPostie-Toastie):

U.S. Attorney Patrick J. Fitzgerald was ranked among prosecutors who had “not distinguished themselves” on a Justice Department chart sent to the White House in March 2005, when he was in the midst of leading the CIA leak investigation that resulted in the perjury conviction of a vice presidential aide, administration officials said yesterday.

The ranking placed Fitzgerald below “strong U.S. Attorneys . . . who exhibited loyalty” to the administration but above “weak U.S. Attorneys who . . . chafed against Administration initiatives, etc.,” according to Justice documents.

You might say that Alberto VO5 had a specific vision of what a good GS employee should be: he should be like a feudal serf. To the extent that he pleases his feudal overlord, he is a good serf. To the extent that he or she isn’t entirely servile, he is a bad serf.

While this may be extremely hacky, it’s at least clear. Gonzo rarely used language to mislead. He would forget things entirely, much as a German Shepard forgets his soiling the rug, but would not use language to manipulate.

Hackiness of a higher order may be exemplified by the Michael Gersons amongst us (again, documented in the Post-Apocalyptic):

Teachers unions object to standardized tests, preferring more subjective, nonacademic measures of school success. And that, from one perspective, is understandable. Failing corporations do not like accurate financial disclosures. Slow runners resent those pesky stopwatches. The unions want underperforming schools and ineffective teachers to be shielded from objective scrutiny. But testing is the only way to determine when disadvantaged students are being betrayed — and by whom.

It is said that the most dangerous place to be in DC is between Michael Gerson and a strawman. Slow runners, like teacher’s unions, hate to be held to a schedule. Completely unlike Bush, Iraq and timetables, eh Mr. Gerson?

The lowest order of hacks among us is occupied by the Jonah Goldbergs of the world. By all rights, Jonah could have been a perfectly good video store counter person. He just shouldn’t be a writer. Or, not writer exactly, Jonah is more someone who knows how to ape the sound of someone writing. Indeed, it may be true that to the people that Jonah appeals to, a book is really a series of phonemes that mouthed in a particular way produce a rhythm that is much like the rhythm produced by actual authors.

For instance, take this bit of nonsense:

That said, I certainly agree there is an “anti-compulsion” streak in liberalism, but as I try to show, there’s also a compulsion streak in liberalism and that’s a big part of the story that needed to be told. And, even the anti-compulsion streak is often used as a kind of social conformity. “We’re all individuals!” in the Monty Python sense of the word.

Jonah, like any void, can only be observed by the lack of content.

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2 Responses to “The Hacks Among Us”

  1. eRobin Says:
    January 4th, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    Oh my god. I can’t read any further. Bud Abbot, sir, was no hack.

  2. AltHippo Says:
    January 5th, 2008 at 2:20 am

    eRobin, you cut me to the quick.

    To think that I’d ever call Abbot a hack. No, not gonna happen.

    Might it be that Abbot&Costello were a warm-up act for the duo of Gonzales&Bush? Interesting question.

    A better question might be: who was the straight man?

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