progressive cyberdadaism from our nation’s capital
SETTING: Drs. Rice, Wolfowitz, Powell, and Bush, dressed in full surgical gear are gathered around a patient. Wolfowitz and Powell are making the noises associated with expensive hospital machinery. Bush is examining the patient with a stethoscope shaking his head. After a moment, Rice notices that Bush has forgotten to put the earpieces in, which she does finally.
BUSH: Holy September 11.
RICE: What is it, Dr. Bush?
BUSH: It’s cancer, Condaleeza. The cancer of the evil-doers. The cancer of those that hate us for our freedom. (points at patient as if he is arguing with him) The Doctor will always stand between cancer and his patient.
WOLFOWITZ: We must operate immediately.
POWELL: I advise caution. Think of the cost, Dr. Wolfowitz.
WOLFOWITZ: Nonsense, Dr. Powell. The operation will pay for itself.
POWELL: The patient might not approve.
WOLFOWITZ: Nonsense. He’ll thank us with candy and flowers.
POWELL: Do we even know where the cancer is?
WOLFOWITZ: We can assume the cancer is everywhere. That’s the lesson of September 11.
POWELL: You’re not even a real doctor, you’re a Poly-Sci PhD.
WOLFOWITZ: For the purpose of this sketch that’s not important. The point is that we need to operate. We all have different reasons for wanting to operate, but we can agree on a common name: cancer.
POWELL: What then are you proposing?
WOLFOWITZ: I say we start by taking out his kidneys.
POWELL: But we don’t know there’s anything wrong with his kidneys.
WOLFOWITZ: After September 11 we can’t take that risk. By taking out his kidneys we’ll make that part of his body more stable. That stability will spread throughout the rest of his body.
POWELL: It’ll spread all right. Like rigor mortis.
WOLFOWITZ: You surprise me, Dr. Powell. We can remake this patient. Form him in our own image. Make him free and independent.
BUSH: And under my control.
WOLFOWITZ: And most importantly free of cancer. Granted, taking out his kidneys may not cure the cancer. We may need to remove his lungs, stomache, liver, who knows where it may end up. But we need to start with his kidneys.
POWELL: And why’s that, Dr. Wolfowitz?
WOLFOWITZ: Because, in many ways, it’s the easiest. Because we have the right to. Because September 11 gives us the moral authority.
POWELL: Europe won’t agree.
WOLFOWITZ: Then fuck ‘em. We can pull off this operation without them.
POWELL: Dr. Bush, I urge caution.
BUSH: Colin, the Doctor can’t be cautious when cancer is at stake.
POWELL: World opinion will be against us.
BUSH: The Doctor will not be held hostage by French and German physicians.
POWELL: Are we even sure the patient has cancer?
BUSH: That’s a simple question to answer, Colin. September 11.
RICE: I know. Let’s take the argument directly to the American people.
BUSH: Condaleeza has the right idea. The Doctor will hold a press conference.
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hip·po·pot·a·mus n. A notion, perhaps distinct from conventional wisdom, that needs to be verified by reality-based scrutiny.
95. Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
The best way to make sense of this legal tangle is to mouse over the title of an individual scandal, which will highlight everyone implicated. [Link]
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Democracy Now! Radio and TV News [Link]
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Hertzberg's analysis is noteworthy because he appears to be able to allow several ideas to coexist in his head simultaneously, which quite an achievement these days. [Link]
That night, George Stephanopoulos, who was then a top aide to Mr. Clinton, declared that it was “mathematically impossible for Brown to get the nomination” — the start of a campaign to declare Mr. Clinton the presumed nominee, even as several other [Link]
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